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The Cougar

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Yes this IS old, and yes most of you got this ages ago too, but hey it still makes me laugh everytime I read it.

>Barry Dawson once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

>Barry Dawson's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Barry Dawson.

>Barry Dawson can speak Braille.

>When Barry Dawson exercises, the machine gets stronger.

>Barry Dawson doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

>Barry Dawson can kill two stones with one bird.

>Barry Dawson can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

>Barry Dawson once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having s*x with his waitress.

>Barry Dawson is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

>Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Barry Dawson once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

>Barry Dawson once challenged LanceArmstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Barry Dawson won by 5.

>Barry Dawson once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

>When Barry Dawson has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

>For some, the left t*sticle is larger than the right one. For Barry Dawson, each testicle is larger than the other one.

>Barry Dawson ordered a Big Mac at Red Rooster, and got one.

>It takes Barry Dawson 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

>Barry Dawson doesn't believe in New Zealand.

>Barry Dawson can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

>Barry Dawson ! recently had the idea to sell his u*ine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

>In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of Australian women lost their virginity to Barry Dawson. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

>Barry Dawson invented the internet... just so he had a place to store his porn.

>One day Barry Dawson walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

>When Barry Dawson plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

>Barry Dawson qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500 without a car.

>Nathan Bracken is allowed to live because Barry Dawson doesn't kill women.

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